Run 50 2nd July 2011 Dittisham Big Foot and Shortie

A to B words 2nd July 2011

A golden celebration on the 2^nd of JulyAnother A to B run – my, how the month flies byNot 50 years of wedded bliss! – it was our 50^th run!

At Ditisham outside Red Lion, we gathered in the sun.The Hares Big Foot and Shortie Assist by Rise and ShineThrough windy narrow lanes to get there – arrived in nick of time!

Lots of hot and sweaty hashers circled at the startin the road above the pub, over looking river Dart.

It seemed like 51 of us, I looked inside for moreTo catch Larks Vomit mopping up…. his dog’s wee from the floor!Nostalgic words from Cathusalem – he was the founder memberI couldn’t understand a word (he’s 98 remember!)

Man Pig introduced the Virgins, Twice Knightly and anotherCan’t remember who it was (it could have been her brother!)Why did she carry rucksack? Containing What? You’re thinkingDoes she have a great big bag to carry kitchen sink in!

Troughie was there with bionic hip, though not running sadlyOnly had op 12 weeks ago, so he’s not doing badly“Not as long as last times run” Big foot announced proudly

We started running down the road – Havoc barking loudlyWithin a minute onto beach we circled up for toastNot to eat, but fizz to drink (think Spocky had the most)Cathusalem sang a song about a badger’s orificeAnd how you put your finger in – I expect you get the gist!!!He promised all original members a pint in pub for free50 hashers put their hands up, said they were there (and me!)

Along the tidal shore we ran, on mud and broken shellsEnjoying breathing country air (or rotten seaweed smells)Through farmers fields we jogged or walked the skies so blue and clearA Beautiful day - too hot to run we’re all in need of beer!

At last we came to Capton village we stopped to have a drinkBeer and water, peanuts and sweets (chocolate éclairs I think)

Then off again we had to run, I heaved myself from seatJust as I got my legs to work – we stopped just up the streetTwo wise men stood bearing gifts – not frankincense or myrrhBut Ferero Roche wrapped in gold – the type that I prefer!

Wild flowers growing up the lanes like vetch and campionFront runners now so far ahead we couldn’t hear ON ON

Ragged robin, foxgloves and rosebay willow herbDaisies and hedge parsley grew up from every kerb.

So hot we tried to run in shade, and walk became the speedWas this a mirage that we see, or the oasis that we need.

The hottest day we’ve had since May, we couldn’t stand the heat

A drink stop at Old Mill Creek - we stopped to cool our feet

We paddled in the little stream, ate sweets and drank the beer(although the sewer’s up the road – the water ran quite clear!)

That’s Crap splashed around with Havoc, Itzy found it funnyLarks’s dog not feeling well – she had an upset tummy!!

Which brings to mind some boys got lost….. refused to take a ride -in Larks’s car ‘cos Kura had had an accident inside!!!

We finished off the golden chocs which were melting in the sunBig Foot gratefully received said - “Shortie never gives me one!”The South Hams is known for beauty and rolling hills I’m told

The blobs of flour on Cow Pats now gone all crispy and old!That’s not kind I think she’s nice – she helped us find our way“I was only having bit of fun”, I heard PP say.Up a narrow path we ran, mind badgers holes in middleI thought PP’d disappeared but she’d stopped to have a piddle!

Gasping for air, the view from top was the most breathtaking yet

On the right was Dartmouth College where the Queen and Philip met

In 1946 they rolled and frolicked down this way

He whispered softly in her ear – she said “what did you say?”

He then popped Liz the question – One which changed her life

“Will one do one the honours of be comings ones new wife!!”

The river Dart looked beautiful, boats bobbing in the sun

At far end of a stoney field a drink stop – the last one

Parked in lay-by Larks’s car, the door was open wide

Havoc was hot, he’d had enough. He tried to jump inside

He didn’t care the back seat smelled – he joined Kura his friend

He couldn’t walk another yard – had lift back to the end!

On top of hill we had a photo, dramatic view behind

The run to pub was all downhill – now this we didn’t mind.

Arrived at pub the FBI (the new abbreviation)

PP said “come in for swim” I jumped at invitation

Quite literally we jumped off quay into the murky brink

We had to take our trainers off so that we didn’t sink!

Quite a few had joined the queue to have a swim or float

After getting stuck in mud That’s Crap impersonates tug boat!

With glass in hand we all enjoyed the ale at Ferry Boat Inn

And Cathusalem keeping to his word bought beer……... Just for him!!!

We dried our hair and changed our clothes and circled on the beach

Down downs were given and Cathusalem gave - YET ANOTHER SPEECH!!

That’s Crap got a down down for getting stuck in muddy water

When you think you are a tug boat a thing you never oughta

Then Mavis and Man Pig got one for leading FF astray

Not kicking out the checks on runs he went the other way…..

He went an extra mile - and Flasher would have got one too

But he went home with injury… (I think it was man flu!!)

Twice Knightly got another for what ever’s in her sack

Can’t recall what Vomit did (info on this I lack!)

Of course one went to Cathusalem, and for our 50^th run

Without this founder member we wouldn’t have begun!

We then went on to the Awards – the bestest of the year

They too were given down downs and a yellow shirt to wear

Larks Vomit got an award for dishing out the dirt…….

Writing best words – ‘Scribe of the year’ was written on his shirt

The Dartmouth Inn at Totnes got the On Down of the year

And Pillock went to Man Pig – well deserved I hear you cheer

Dutchess, Pods and Shat Nav – Best Lay at Fernworthy Res

Last but not least was Sore Point got Best Hasher so they sez

So thanks Big foot and Shortie and also Rise and Shine

For laying a fantastic trail and giving up your time

And all the other hashers that have set an A to B

We look forward to the run each month. Thanks again. Soapy x

Run 49 4th June 2011 Newton Abbot Mavid and Peanut

DEVON A2B HASH HOUSE HARRIERSWORDS FOR SATURDAY 4th JUNE 2011

Well first of all can I just say I am not very good at writing the words so if they are poor please blame Manpig for my nomination! Ok moaning out of the way on with the story.

Well once upon a time in a car park not so far away a fine day it was, in fact so fine the hashers of the Devonshire A 2 B were worried about the temperature they were about to face. But not to fear as King Mavis appeared on his chariot to put all of the fine hasher’s minds at rest.

King Mavis unfortunately was unable to help his disciples as he himself was already sweating from the heat and only confirmed our fears that it was in fact a long journey of 14 miles we had ahead. King MAVIS had other bad news that our steeds that we had travelled in to this holy meeting place of’ The McDonalds’ car park may not be safe from the evil ticket sheriffs, what shall we do we cried?? King Mavis yet again failed us by stating his glorious red steed was safe elsewhere & he didn’t care!....

All was at a loss until Queen Peanut in her chariot arrived. With the King and Queen hares united knowledge was spread that our steeds would be fine tied up and that on our long journey ahead there would be bread and water stops for their hashers. The village idiot Manpig was so overwhelmed by the queens’ bulging cloths he thought there were two of her! King Mavis quickly announced in a booming voice ‘WE HAVE LAID A HASH’ which brought the poor fellow out of his trance. Two virgin hashers were announced, the king’s new entertainer Airfix and the Queens stable boy Slamdunk, as always they were welcomed with open arms. After a quick sketch was drawn of the hashers by the artist known as Shatnav the A 2 B was underway.

Under a tunnel we went on our merry wee way,
22 in all to follow the lay

There was Sierra Delta &Sore point to name just a few,
Miss Whiplash who’s legs soon went askew.

Airfix announced he’d been on a sun bed
to darken his skin for a shoot in the med.

There were leaps and bounds with many great hounds
and with that stories you will hear in the down downs.

BIGFOOT & SHORTY together they ran
but soon lost each other in the wild green land.

‘ON ON’ cried Paper work at the front of the pack
who soon found a fish hook to send us all back.

Along a lane we ran and my leg felt a twitch,
Sierra Delta said that this was my ditch
where I fell & I cried and lay on my side
until the fair maiden took me aside.

‘Come with me’ she said I know a good witch’
and took me away to get a wee stitch.

But now back to today’s injury free lay,

running by fields of long lucious hay,

bounding along as one happy troop

and on to see Zombie at the first of the re-groups.

Sweets and treats were waiting ahead

where Peanut & Mavis had already led

We drank and we ate and before it was too late

we put cream on our backs to helps stop the cracks

then off we ran and followed a plan

to the next regroup down by the sand.

Here we found a very deep moat

where the only way to cross was via a boat, t

he man we paid with gold and sweat,

one foot ashore and of we set

‘ON ON’ we cried to the third stop we fled,
hunting for clues as the chalk had gone dead
until Mavis was seen and we all became keen to carry on running and keep our selves lean

Another split and I muttered ‘O S**T’ as I had lost the pack

and was at the back,

never fear said Queen Peanut just follow trail,

soon you’ll find the hashers without fail

Faster I strode to catch up the others

and soon found Miss Whiplash the fairy god mother

More I pushed and became the front person

to find the ‘On Home’ and The Bishop John De Grandisson.

So now on to ye old down downs with Melon Picker as RA! Obviously King Mavis & Queen Peanut received the finest chalice of ale for a very fine hash followed by Shatnav for his portrait taking at the beginning, Big foot & Shorty for despite completing 96 Marathons managing to loose each other!, then there are the Dogging matters….Soapy for just pure lies about the quality of training of her dog, Chucky for bad handling and going doggy style??..., Miss Whiplash for not blaming her fall on the dog! And Cathusalem for lifting dogs over gates then walking through them! aswell as gracing us with a verse about something called Prostitutes?? Never heard of them myself…Umm then of course Manpig for being entranced in Queen Peanuts..…, Arc Angel for hashing or not hashing at all?? Who knows and finally Spank the Monkey just because she has a fantastic name!!

AGM:Well pretty much unchanged! So we have:

GM- Manpig

Hash Cash- Sore Point

Hon Sec- Cow Pat

Hare Raser- Shatnav

Beer Meister- Paper Work

Haberdasherir- Peanut

Next months hash, the 50^th! Big Foot & Shorty at The Red Lion in Dittershum!

ON ONPlastic Pig!

Run 48 May 7th 2011 Vennford Reservoir Shatnav and Zombie

A-B May 2011 – Hares Shat Nav & Zombie. Venford Reservoir, Dartmoor.

 

The day started with confusion over which car park to meet in.  Hashers were seen traversing the reservoir going to and fro the two car parks trying to make up their minds.  Eventually we settled on one and started to form a little huddle.  The hares were no-where to be seen, but then again, that wouldn’t be difficult, as the mist was so low we couldn’t see our hands if we stretched out our arms, so they could have been hiding just out of reach.

 

HIV decided to have a little look around to see if he could see flour, just to check we were in the right place.  No flour to be seen.  Also not surprising really, due to the fact that we’d had a HUGE downpour overnight.

 

Eventually the hares arrived out of the mist and a circle was called to order.  Man Pig eventually remembered what number hash we were on, Virgin hasher Happy Shopper from Plympton was introduced, Sierra Delta was nominated RA for the day and Paperwork was volunteered to write the words as his name has something to do with paper and work.  However, since paperwork is infact totally illiterate, it falls upon me, Sorepoint, to do the scribing.

 

The hares wish us luck, as they took 5 hours laying the trail yesterday, but due to the aforementioned hurricane there was little, if any, flour left out there.  We were told the on was over the bridge in the other car park!  Doh!  We were there already, but Shat Nav thought the other car park would be too busy for us all to fit in.  So over we go.  Still no flour.  A cuckoo calls, as if mocking us, or trying to tell us the way.  We keep looking.  The hare craftily lays a few arrows and off we go following a little leat in the moor.  Hold on a minute, says Shat Nav, we shouldn’t have gone this far.  It’s over to the left a bit.  We all start to climb the incline to the left, spread out looking for flour.  The mist has dropped again, and even the marine, Strongbow, is beginning to think we should abandon this orienteering exercise and get off the moor before we all get eaten by sabre toothed tigers or something.  The hare is having none of this namby pambyness and eureka – eventually finds the track we should have been on.  HIV is moaning by this point that he wishes he’d put his shorts on as the sun makes a brief appearance.

 

We make it as far as a river crossing.  The river is in full spate after all the tornadoes but we bravely attempt the stepping stones.  This causes certain hashers more trouble than others, doesn’t it She’s Ready?  Obviously not ready for stepping stones!  Hairy Mollusc and Shat Nav help things along by getting in the water and splashing She’s Ready – just to give her confidence that she won’t fall in and get wet.  The trail goes past a lovely little cottage and up onto the road.  I then realise where we are, as it’s just down the road from Pixies Holt where we stayed with City of Exeter Hash last year for their autumn gathering.  On down the road to a car park and Zombie is waiting with the first beer stop.  This shuts HIV up, as he is able to change into his shorts and happiness is restored.  The sun makes another appearance and we can actually see our toes.  Peanut has been carrying a jumper around with her all hash, and a discussion ensues about what is the most useless thing to take on a hash with you – answers on a postcard please – best answer we had at the regroup was That’s Crap!

 

Zombie sneaks away to live lay the next part of the trail, to try and avoid the complete lack of flour in the first third.  We finish scoffing sweeties and beer and the conversation dips yet further with That’s crap offering to service anyone with No Service.  Off we go again with Shat Nav taking the vehicle on to re-group 2.  Will he get there though; he’s called Shat Nav for a reason you know!

 

The trail leads up, up, up, up and more up.  We eventually scale Everest up to a lovely bowl shaped tor.  We naturally all sat down inside out of the wind and had an in-depth talk about letter boxing – there being just such an item hidden in the stones.  A full history and lecture was given and received before we realised that the weather was taking a nasty turn for the worse and we really ought to be getting going.  It took a while to find the blobs from here, but eventually the on was called and off we went again trying to stay in front of the weather.  We came across Shat Nav standing at a monument on the next hill – but where’s Zombie?  Good question.  By this time the mist was around our ankles again and Zombie was lost in action.  A bit further on, and lots of shouting, Zombie was found cutting her way out of the pea soup.  Now though the hares had an important discussion on what way we needed to go, as they were now both lost!  Zombie had been able to see where she was heading before the clouds came down, and Shat Nav couldn’t remember which direction he’d left the car.  Cuckoo, cuckoo.  Had we just gone in a massive circle, or was the cuckoo just mocking us?  We found the road.  More by luck than judgement, and Shat Nav drove off in one direction, as we all ran off in another. 

 

Regroup number two was successfully found, and this time Shat Nav slipped away to do the live haring.  Clever old That’s Crap was watching which way he went, so when we all set off we followed That’s Crap’s advice.  The faster ones get away and leave Mavis, Peanut, Cow Pat and myself behind.  There’s a Bull in this field, and Mavis is a little nervous.  We ended up doing a little detour to avoid him, as he was looking a little amorous and we were all wearing various shades of red!  Picked up the trail again across the moor and found ourselves on another road where everyone was waiting at a hash halt.  A little conflab was had, about whether or not we attempt the long/short split from this point. It was decided to abandon the long, as the hares had got a little lost laying it in the sunshine the day before, so we had absolutely no hope today – so everyone proceeded along the short, down the road and into Widecombe in the Moor.  The B was found to be the Old Inn at Widecombe.

 

An excellent 9 mile hash against all the odds.  Thank you hares.

 

Down downs were done immediately in the car park, as some of the hardy hashers wanted to do it all again in an hour’s time in honour of Sneezy.

 

Down Downs went to:

Hares – only counted 4 domestics during the course of the day.  And Shat Nav steadfastly continuing with trail even when a marine says he would give it up!

Strongbow – for getting lost on the way to the hash – bad navigation.

Mavis and Peanut – Sex on the hash (well – canoodleing anyway!)

Mavis and Sorepoint – discussing educational reforms – being far too intellectual.

Happy Shopper and Hairy Mollusc – for not mentioning their relationship at the start.  (father and son – before your minds run away with you!)

Sorepoint – lewd comments about gobbling while running past turkeys.