A-B May 2011 – Hares Shat Nav & Zombie. Venford
Reservoir, Dartmoor.
The day started with confusion over which car park to meet
in. Hashers were seen traversing the
reservoir going to and fro the two car parks trying to make up their
minds. Eventually we settled on one and
started to form a little huddle. The
hares were no-where to be seen, but then again, that wouldn’t be difficult, as
the mist was so low we couldn’t see our hands if we stretched out our arms, so
they could have been hiding just out of reach.
HIV decided to have a little look around to see if he could
see flour, just to check we were in the right place. No flour to be seen. Also not surprising really, due to the fact
that we’d had a HUGE downpour overnight.
Eventually the hares arrived out of the mist and a circle
was called to order. Man Pig eventually
remembered what number hash we were on, Virgin hasher Happy Shopper from
Plympton was introduced, Sierra Delta was nominated RA for the day and
Paperwork was volunteered to write the words as his name has something to do
with paper and work. However, since
paperwork is infact totally illiterate, it falls upon me, Sorepoint, to do the
scribing.
The hares wish us luck, as they took 5 hours laying the
trail yesterday, but due to the aforementioned hurricane there was little, if
any, flour left out there. We were told
the on was over the bridge in the other car park! Doh!
We were there already, but Shat Nav thought the other car park would be
too busy for us all to fit in. So over
we go. Still no flour. A cuckoo calls, as if mocking us, or trying
to tell us the way. We keep
looking. The hare craftily lays a few
arrows and off we go following a little leat in the moor. Hold on a minute, says Shat Nav, we shouldn’t
have gone this far. It’s over to the
left a bit. We all start to climb the
incline to the left, spread out looking for flour. The mist has dropped again, and even the
marine, Strongbow, is beginning to think we should abandon this orienteering
exercise and get off the moor before we all get eaten by sabre toothed tigers
or something. The hare is having none of
this namby pambyness and eureka – eventually finds the track we should have
been on. HIV is moaning by this point
that he wishes he’d put his shorts on as the sun makes a brief appearance.
We make it as far as a river crossing. The river is in full spate after all the
tornadoes but we bravely attempt the stepping stones. This causes certain hashers more trouble than
others, doesn’t it She’s Ready?
Obviously not ready for stepping stones!
Hairy Mollusc and Shat Nav help things along by getting in the water and
splashing She’s Ready – just to give her confidence that she won’t fall in and
get wet. The trail goes past a lovely
little cottage and up onto the road. I
then realise where we are, as it’s just down the road from Pixies Holt where we
stayed with City of Exeter Hash last year for their autumn gathering. On down the road to a car park and Zombie is
waiting with the first beer stop. This
shuts HIV up, as he is able to change into his shorts and happiness is
restored. The sun makes another
appearance and we can actually see our toes.
Peanut has been carrying a jumper around with her all hash, and a
discussion ensues about what is the most useless thing to take on a hash with
you – answers on a postcard please – best answer we had at the regroup was
That’s Crap!
Zombie sneaks away to live lay the next part of the trail,
to try and avoid the complete lack of flour in the first third. We finish scoffing sweeties and beer and the
conversation dips yet further with That’s crap offering to service anyone with
No Service. Off we go again with Shat
Nav taking the vehicle on to re-group 2.
Will he get there though; he’s called Shat Nav for a reason you know!
The trail leads up, up, up, up and more up. We eventually scale Everest up to a lovely
bowl shaped tor. We naturally all sat
down inside out of the wind and had an in-depth talk about letter boxing –
there being just such an item hidden in the stones. A full history and lecture was given and
received before we realised that the weather was taking a nasty turn for the
worse and we really ought to be getting going.
It took a while to find the blobs from here, but eventually the on was
called and off we went again trying to stay in front of the weather. We came across Shat Nav standing at a
monument on the next hill – but where’s Zombie?
Good question. By this time the
mist was around our ankles again and Zombie was lost in action. A bit further on, and lots of shouting,
Zombie was found cutting her way out of the pea soup. Now though the hares had an important
discussion on what way we needed to go, as they were now both lost! Zombie had been able to see where she was
heading before the clouds came down, and Shat Nav couldn’t remember which
direction he’d left the car. Cuckoo,
cuckoo. Had we just gone in a massive
circle, or was the cuckoo just mocking us?
We found the road. More by luck
than judgement, and Shat Nav drove off in one direction, as we all ran off in
another.
Regroup number two was successfully found, and this time
Shat Nav slipped away to do the live haring.
Clever old That’s Crap was watching which way he went, so when we all
set off we followed That’s Crap’s advice.
The faster ones get away and leave Mavis, Peanut, Cow Pat and myself
behind. There’s a Bull in this field,
and Mavis is a little nervous. We ended
up doing a little detour to avoid him, as he was looking a little amorous and
we were all wearing various shades of red!
Picked up the trail again across the moor and found ourselves on another
road where everyone was waiting at a hash halt.
A little conflab was had, about whether or not we attempt the long/short
split from this point. It was decided to abandon the long, as the hares had got
a little lost laying it in the sunshine the day before, so we had absolutely no
hope today – so everyone proceeded along the short, down the road and into
Widecombe in the Moor. The B was found
to be the Old Inn at Widecombe.
An excellent 9 mile hash against all the odds. Thank you hares.
Down downs were done immediately in the car park, as some of
the hardy hashers wanted to do it all again in an hour’s time in honour of
Sneezy.
Down Downs went to:
Hares – only counted 4 domestics during the course of the
day. And Shat Nav steadfastly continuing
with trail even when a marine says he would give it up!
Strongbow – for getting lost on the way to the hash – bad
navigation.
Mavis and Peanut – Sex on the hash (well – canoodleing anyway!)
Mavis and Sorepoint – discussing educational reforms – being
far too intellectual.
Happy Shopper and Hairy Mollusc – for not mentioning their
relationship at the start. (father and
son – before your minds run away with you!)
Sorepoint – lewd comments about gobbling while running past
turkeys.
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