Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Words for February A2B courtesy of She's Ready

Date: 01/02/2014
A: Bantham Beach Car Park
B: The Sloop Inn, Bantham
Hare: Poacher
The Pack:
TheJerkZoot A2B virgin: Holeinone
What Went On-on
En-route to the hash, we were approaching one of those pesky cyclists, when That’s Crap suddenly pointed and shouted excitingly
“That’s Gymslip. I recognise his bum!” (should I be worried? –SR)
That’s Crap then frantically tried to beep Gymslip, however, despite having the same car for over 10 years, he failed to find the horn. At least that meant Gymslip remained on his bike.
Upon arriving in the beach car park, That’sCrap parked in the sunshine. The car was rocking – unfortunately it was the wind buffeting us – not any amorous going-ons. Needing a pee, That’s Crap wasn’t keen on braving the elements, so he drove the 200 metres to the toilet block.
Man-pig arrived early for the second month running. This must be a record. Perhaps it’s a New Year resolution but suspect it was down to Hotlips giving him a lift.
Com2nite tried to pay the fees for 4 hashers with just £5.
As we reluctantly climbed out of our cars and huddled for shelter against a van, That’s Crap squeezed into the car boot.
There were sharp contrasts in hashers’ attires. Man-pig, Rear Ender (the sun was out when she left home –was her excuse) and The Jerk were dressed in shorts whereas Saltymollusc was dressed head to toe in ramblers’ waterproofs and Zoot looked like she was about to hold everyone up and cry “Stand and deliver”.
The hare, Poacher (who had kindly stepped in at the last minute for Captain Peacock) sent us off into the fierce wind just as the heavy rain turned into hailstones and tore at our faces. I must say I much prefer to pay for a luxury facial rather than suffer these free natural versions. Conditions were that bad that Rear Ender was thinking of turning back to the safety of the car after just 5 minutes.
The first long-short split kept the shorts still heading against the wind, so I plucked for the long route for some reprieve.  Up though shiggy fields we went, slipping and sliding all the way, joining up with the shorts, who appeared to be doing the longs backwards. Soon we were on the right way through the village and golf course of Thurlestone to the 1st beer stop, where Larks was offering Hot Chocolate in addition to the usual array of drinks and snacks. Last month’s hot topic of butt-plugs continued to be the favourite conversation this month, starting at the 1st beer stop and still going in the pub afterwards. HoleinOne, however kept trying to steer the chats towards art.
The second leg involved lots of shiggy lanes and fields, the water in the puddles was freezing but even though the wind still persisted, at least the rain had stopped.  Occasionally we were treated to blue sky and a bit of sun!
I have never got so dirty or had so much fun on a Devon A2B, and could often be heard “squealing” my way down the slippery hills. Zoot found it too slippery and fell over. Devon A2B Virgin, HoleinOne managed to keep herself upright by grapping hold of Zoot’s bottom.
The shorts arrived at the 2nd beer stop well ahead of the longs. As soon as the longs arrived, the shorts buggered off.
Saltymollusc borrowed one of No.2’s lurchers to help get him up the hills on the 3rd and final leg. No.2 then seized the opportunity to ride the 3rd leg with Larks Vomit.
Apparently the shorts got lost in some field somewhere. Legover was chuffed at overtaking her hubby, Gymslip – downhill. It’s not often she comes before him.
The home straight was like running in a wind tunnel. Point B was the Sloop Inn, approximately half a mile short of point A.  Man-pig, however, continued on to point A to the car, only to find that Hotlips had already brought the car back to the pub.
According to various GPS apparatus, the long route was 10 miles and the short was 6 miles.
In the pub, the talk was a bit muddled. Butt-plugs were suddenly referred to as Butt-pigs and Man-pig was renamed Man-plug.
Paperwork confessed he could only manage the shorts today as he was still suffering from a severe beasting 2 days ago.
The Circle
Down-downs were given to:
Man-pig and Rear Ender for dressing in summer clothing when severe weather warnings were announced
Come2nite for pretending to be asleep whilst knowingly allowing hubby, Genitalheatrash to clean up runny dog-poo downstairs.
Genitalheatrash for googling butt-plugs then buying one for the dog
HoleinOne: A2B virgin who was trying to educate the hashers on art all the way round
Paperwork and Sorepoint- usually on longs but led the shorts and got them lost
Post-hash: Back at home, That’s Crap was cuddling a photo of Man-pig (should I be worried? –SR)
Next A2B: 1st March from Averton Gifford Car park, TQ7 4LB (SX692472) c/o
She’s Ready. That’s Crap, Hairy Mollusc.
If anyone has a Grizzly or Cub ticket they are not going to use, please contact She’s Ready: Shesready@talktalk.net

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